Alarm Label

"Be joyful in hope; patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

     The past week I have been stuck in Romans 12. The entire chapter seems as though it was written for the deepest part of my heart. You know the part that you pray, "the Spirit to shine His light on," but secretly hope He doesn't.  That is exactly what happened to me. Last Sunday we were observing the Lord's Supper at church. I actually took, my recently saved daughter, Rozlynn with me for the service. As we were preparing to take the bread piece and juice (I attend a Baptist church),  I became overwhelmed with a deep feeling of worship. I had never experienced this form of emotion during the Lord's Supper. I have always felt humbled and reminded of all the Christ did for me and those around me. However, last Sunday I fully saw this ceremony as an act of worship. This worship brought tears to my eyes...the kind of worship that is unencumbered. The kind that brings you to the feet of Jesus.
      Then it happened...the Holy Spirit shined that stupid light into a dark hidden spot in my heart. I knew there was something....something keeping me from experiencing this kind of worship on a daily basis. I prayed, asked forgiveness, and pleaded for God to show me what I was holding back. Boy did He show me.
      The next morning, I awoke to give God my fifteen to twenty minutes of time to start my day. (I know...is that seriously all I am giving...yes, sadly, and that is another post for another day!) I normally use a Bible study book or the app First 5 for my morning time, but this day I felt lead to just read scripture. I went straight to Romans 12. There I have stayed for the past 7 days.
     I wrote this entire chapter out the first three days of the week. Trying to write it on my heart...to cover that place I knew was dark, that place that was holding me back. The more I wrote out the chapter the more things stood out to me.

Here were my first observations on things that would lead my to the worship I was craving:

1. Fasting and prayer go hand in hand - "...offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship." v. 1

If I truly want to experience proper worship, I need to start with proper prayer. Prayer that offers         my body as a sacrifice. Prayer that shows trust. Trust that leads to faith. Faith that leads to worship because I have been, "transformed by the renewing of [my] mind. Then [I] will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will." v. 2

2.  We all have different gifts - "in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We all have different gifts..." v 5-6

Confession...several years ago I changed the label of my school alarm. It used to be titled, Romans 12:7. "If is is serving, then serve; if it is teaching,then teach" I was overwhelmed, (not "I was" - I am is the better choice of words). I was tired both physically and mentally from giving so much and never hearing thank you or getting anything back in return. I HATED seeing Romans 12:7. This couldn't be my gift...why would I be so  miserable if this was my gift. God doesn't want me to miserable, to be stressed, exhausted, to be wanting to give up. Out of self pity I removed the label and it just said alarm. It has remained that way for 2 1/2 years.

3. Don't become self absorbed with your hurt feelings (I literally wrote that in the margin of my Bible.) "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." v. 10 

My, "love would never be sincere," if I was clinging to the evil of my emotions, my exhaustion, my need for appreciation. In order for my, "love [to] be sincere," I have to,"hate what is evil and cling to what is good." v. 9 By dwelling on my hurt feelings I was clinging to evil that did not put others before myself. I cannot experience true worship by putting my self and my self pity before others. That isn't love. That isn't Christ. That isn't who I want to be.

4. Never loose my excitement for serving Christ - "Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." v. 11

My attitude for my service to Christ was in need of serious kick in the pants. I should radiate the passion and excitement I have for Christ by fervently using my gift. End of story. I couldn't worship when I lacked zeal.  I may full myself and other, but I wasn't full Christ.

5. Be good to those who hurt you. "Bless those who persecute you...do not repay anyone evil for evil...If it is possible, as fas as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." vs. 14, 17, and 18

This is the second week in a row God has reminded me that I should bless and not curse those who hurt me. That in my anger I should not sin. His job is judgement...my job is to love, to love everyone - no matter what. My job is to show grace. My job is to live at peace with everyone. That peace surpasses all understanding and leads me to unencumbered worship.

     After studying those 5 ideas and working to practice them. I was drawn to verse 12. I know this verse. I have read this verse many times (many times this week in fact). This verse was jumping off the page at me. I learned a lot this week, and this verse is summation of it all.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12 

      What did the Spirit shine His light on in my heart? The fact that I was lacking joy in Christ. I was not being patient in my distress. I was not being steadfast in prayer. I was instead finding myself full of unhappiness, being agitated by my troubles, and giving up on my prayers.
      Do you find yourself feeling the same way? Desiring to be close to God, to experience that "true and proper worship" but not knowing how to get there?
       God showed me this week how to break away from those evil thoughts and cling to the good. I want to share them with you. "Share with the Lord's people who are in need." v. 13 It is as simple as Romans 12:12:

1. Rejoice in the Hope of Jesus. Jesus WINS. Jesus always has victory over evil. You have Jesus = You have victory. Victory over stress, victory over exhaustion, victory over your need for appreciation. (Those were mine...you know what yours are.) It is you, the Christian, who has joy that is unspeakable. You should be glad because of the Hope you know to be perfect and everlasting.

2. Be patient in trouble. Your joyful hope will give you perseverance and through that you will gain patience. It doesn't say remain in trouble...it just says be patient. This means it will end. Grace will win. Victory will be yours. Have joy and be patient through this tribulation.

3. Don't stop praying. Once you find that joy that gives you hope that leads you to persevere and become patient, you will find yourself praying. Trusting the truth of your Hope. Pray brings you to worship. Worship feels your heart with love. "Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:8   

    So, go change your alarm label. I did! I am finding myself being joyful each morning with the chance to use my gift of serving and teaching. This joy has given me the patience I need for my current afflictions, and I am faithful in prayer. Prayer that I will, "cling to what is good,"  and, "live at peace with everyone." 

Much love,

Stacy

A lesson from Nanny

      I haven't blogged in such a long time....since Rozlynn was born to be exact. I miss it. Writing is therapy for me. One of my resolutions for this year was to spend more time journaling. I felt the nudge from the Spirit to pick up with this blog...so here I am. I have spent a lot of time lately in scripture (another resolution) and I have been focusing on not quenching the Spirit. "Do not extinguish the Spirit." (I Thessalonians 5:19) I am committing to blog once a week. To find the moments and take in the Sovereignty around me...to document the power of the Almighty at work around and within me. 

      Last week was HARD. My beloved Nanny went to be with the Lord on Tuesday, February 21, 2017. Despite the spiritual and mental exhaustion I faced, I was surrounded by the "peace that surpasses all understanding" (Philippians 4:7) which "guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus." I am grateful for my family and friends. The words spoke by my sister, Katie, and my cousin, Christopher (aka Bub), at the funeral brought great comfort to my soul. "Nanny had a hard life but she got to write the final page, she went to be with the Lord in her sleep." "We didn't loose Nanny; we know exactly where she is." I long for the day to meet her in Heaven and worship our Savior forever more. Nanny taught us all so much. I am still learning from Nanny. 

      This week I came across one of my favorite verses. It was like the verse was new to me. I loved this verse when I was in high school. I even had it painted around my room like a border. Back then, I struggled with being angry...mainly angry at myself for choices I had made, things that I regretted. I was angry with myself and needed the constant reminder that I had changed, and in my anger with myself, I did not need to take that out on the ones who loved me. (my precious parents and sister) 

     I understand more clearly now how each choice, each mistake brought me to this moment. Each decision I made, even the HORRIBLE ones, brought me closer to my Savior. However, as an adult this verse has a different meaning to me. 

     "In your anger," tells me that I am going to be angry. Anger is a human emotion. Anger is real. Anger is okay.  The word angry comes from the Scandinavian  angr which means sorrow or grief the Latin root is angor which means anguish. Anger comes from sorrow, grief, and anguish. Did you read that...ANGUISH - excruciating or acute distress, suffering, or pain. We are going to have suffering, pain, distress - ANGER - in our lives. We are human. Give yourself permission to be angry. Giving yourself the freedom to be angry is liberating. It is what you do with that anger that matters. 

     "Do not sin." This seems pretty simple. Okay, so I get mad at someone. I'm not suppose to sin, so I will just stop talking to them. I will just ignore them and go about my life. If they talk to me, I will respond, but I am not going to make an effort. I can just shut them or the situation out of my life and be fine. This is how my brain thought through this verse at the beginning of the week. Unfortunately that attitude was leading to plans for revenge and punishment. I would punish the person I was angry at by being silent and not responding, so I didn't say something I regretted. The sad truth is this...I was being selfish by believing that these type of responses were the "Christian" thing to do. Instead, I should be, "bless[ing] those who curse [me], and pray[ing] for those who mistreat [me]." (Luke 6:28) I should be, "love[ing] [my] enemies and pray[ing] for those who persecute [me]." (Matthew 5:44) I should be seeking ways to bless them. How can I love them despite the wrong the did to me? How can I show the UNCONDITIONAL grace and forgiveness that Jesus shows me...hourly? My friends hear me say that this is HARD. This is not a natural response. I fail miserable at this daily. Here I am, a teacher, someone who wants to be Christ to her students, yet they make me angry. I think - well I will just stop doing anything. Let me know  how that works for you. You are ungrateful to me, so I will just stop going above and beyond for you unless you appreciate what I have done. Man...how SINFUL! This life isn't about what I have done. This life is about what CHRIST DID and what Christ is doing for us all. 

    "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." This just means not to go to bed angry, right? I'm sorry to say...no. Anger is a foothold for Satan. Allowing anger to stay or settle in your heart is just opening the door for the evil to come in. Forgiveness and letting go of anger is on ME. It has nothing to do with the person who made me angry. I must ask God to search my heart. I must ask for Him to show me where I am holding onto anger, bitterness, annoyance, or frustration, and I must ask Him to cleanse me of all it. I am learning that once I truly give it to God I receive that peace that surpasses all understanding, and I WANT to bless those who hurt me, because I love the person who made me angry.  

      This week I have focused on reminding myself that I am going to get angry, and that is okay. I have given myself permission to be mad or hurt. The way I deal with that emotion is imperative. I am trying to recognize the anger and then ask God to show me the person who upset me through His eyes. What do they need? How can I be love to them despite my feelings. Remember that anger comes from sorrow or pain...when you have sorrow or pain in your heart, seek your loving Savior. Don't let Satan creep in through the ugly monster of reacting to anger. 

     My Nanny loved to color in adult coloring books. She was really good at it! One of the last things she colored was a picture of this verse, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." I Peter 4:8 (This is the actual picture that Nanny colored.)

     Let's make this our daily mission: when we get angry, we won't sin. We refuse to allow Satan a foothold into our heart. Instead we choose to love each other deeply. Love covers sin and hurt and whatever someone does to us. We chose love and forgiveness because that is what Christ does for us. 

     Nanny, thank you for still teaching me. Thank you for leading me to Christr. I love you, Nan! 

Fall Apart

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise
Now it all seems upside down
‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart
Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You
And it all seems upside down
‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart
I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me
My whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when
You will find me when I fall apart

Freedom from Anxiety

Anxiety can come into our souls anytime. It often happens in the middle of the night, when everyone else is quiet but your mind is not. There are ways you can mask this problem and get some sleep, but when you wake it is still there, and when you try to sleep the next night...it returns, controlling your thoughts. The only real way to get freedom from this anxiety is the peace of God. At the moment we chose to believe in Jesus we have full access to this peace, that "transcends all understanding." When we are fearful, apprehensive, worried, or terrified,that peace of God can restore us to calm, assured confidence.

Even though life is unpredictable and too often filled with fearful or stressful situations, God says that we don't have to live in anxiety. This peace is can be given to us every time with we praise God and give Him thanks. It's best (I have learned over and over) to do this the moment we sense anxiety or any stress begin to control our thoughts. Then continue to praise and thank God until we receive that peace and the anxiety leaves. His word tells us to focus on what is "excellent" - I think of this like counting my blessings. So at 1AM when I am stressed, tearful, and overcome with anxiety I focus on my most recent reminder of God's love and His perfect Will, Rozlynn Faith. I focus on the fact that I have her and that makes things much better. I focus on my sweet Reese, my husband, and my family. Then I thank God for them and for the circumstances that I went through to get where I am today, in the midst of this overwhelming anxiety. Try it and you'll experience greater peace than you have ever known. Trust the Word of our Creator and you will be able to find contentment in every circumstance, even the tough ones where you can't comprehend how you will make it through.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you...I have learned to be content whatever  the circumstances." Philippians 4:6-8, 11

When Words Don't Come

Have you ever prayed  for something with all your heart and it just felt like Heaven was silent? Man, isn't that hard to take? Or is it just me?...

I am thankful that I can trust my God, and I'm so thankful for His Word, that will not "come back empty." I know God hears my prayers and although the response is silent right now...He will respond, He will keep His promises, and when He does...it will be all for His glory, "that shall be revealed in me." This week has been a real downer! I have been spending some time in Isaiah and I am clinging to what it says in chapter 55:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts....so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:8-9, 11

I'm trusting in the fact that your thoughts Lord are greater than mine. What I think is hard and the way that I think things are happening is not Your way...thankfully! I know that you hear me Lord, your Words are going back to you and they are not going to return empty. I will continue to follow YOUR WILL and can't wait to see what YOU DESIRE from these circumstances, the purpose you have to be achieved, because I know that "this present suffering is not worth comparing to the glory that shall be revealed in me," Romans 8:18. Sometimes I feel so crushed that I don't know what to say, I just know things are not going at all like I feel they should. The way I so desire for them to be. "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:25-26

So even though I feel like the heavens are silent, "what, then, shall [I] say in response to this? If God is for [me], who can be against [me]?" Romans 8:31

I am thankful for this circumstance, this trial, as I see it because I know, "that in all things God works together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28. I love him with every part of me and I am called to His purpose - I can't wait to figure out what that is...patiently I will serve Him, no matter what is not happening =)

People are Mean...

The hardest part for me about being a Christian is the whole, "love your enemies" thing. It's really hard for me when someone is mean not to me but to someone that I love...man it makes me MAD!!!!!!!!!!

I know anger is real emotion and God knows that we have it, but it is what we do with that anger that matters. This verse used to be painted on my wall at my house when I was in high school, "In your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." Ephesians 4:26 I tried hard to live by this, it wasn't until "adulthood" that it began to become so real and so incredibly challenging...because I felt anger in new ways: anger as a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, or a friend. I confess this to be one of my deepest struggles - having anger deep in my heart...just festering, I don't tell anyone about it - I just let it sit until I reach a point that it starts to seep out at times where I don't mean it to happen. It is hard to let go of hurt feelings...hard to forget those times you felt hated, cursed, mistreated, not taken care of, or watched someone you love be so unhappy because of other people (most of the time other Christians).

Sadly I am having to overcome these feelings right now. Here is all I know to do...

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:27-31

God gave us His Word so that we would know the right way to live, when times are so hard that we cannot comprehend how to get out of the valley we face...we seek His Word and find the right way to overcome. That's why I love it so much, it is real it changes things and attitudes! God's Word builds you up feeds your inner soul with strength, direction, endurance, faith...you fill in the blank with whatever you are needing.

So today, right now in this valley I am in and in this hurt I feel for someone I love I am clinging to the direction of God's Word, I am going to "love my enemies, do good to those who hate me or my family, bless those who curse me, pray for those who mistreat me, my family, and someone that I love...do unto them as I wish they would treat me and those I care about the most." I will spend however long it takes praying for them for the anger and disappointment to leave my heart, and not worry about the rest. I want other's to see God and His Word alive in me. If I am "just loving those who love me, doing good to those who are good to me what credit is that to me? Even sinners do that, people who do not have the Spirit of the Living God in them do that." (Luke 6:32-34). Instead I must:
"love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:35-36

Nothing will change your heart like pure true love, and when we spend time in Scripture and desire to live the right way,we are allowing God's love for us to change us - we will begin to see just how great His love is and we will desire to allow that love to change someone else. So bring it on..."enemies*" I love you and God's love through me will change you!

*I do not have any real enemies, I just have hurt feelings. I think that is worse sometimes!

Strength Needed Now

"...Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I have so many people on my prayer list right now that just simply need strength. Need strength for loved ones in the hospital, need strength to trust and wait, need strength to find happiness in every part of their lives (jobs included), strength to just make it through the day.

After Rozlynn went back to sleep this morning I found myself with some "me" time...I love these moments (I say moments because they are usually 47 minutes or less, the time it takes the sleep sheep to run out). I had text a friend to check on her and God reminded me of 2 Corithinas 12:9, I spent some time in the chapter and was reminded of a truth...sometimes a hard truth to handle for us mere humans.

Paul was asking God to take away the "thorn in his side" basically asking for this hard situation (ie...hurting or sick loved ones, trust, waiting, happiness, or just to make it through the day) to be removed. (It even says, "a messenger from Satan"...man isn't he, Satan, real...he delights when we feel helpless like God doesn't listen - when lose heart and faith when we don't get the answer we desire.) However, God said no...did you read that right above, God said no! Paul was asking with pure motives and in faith, but he didn't recieve the answer he was seeking...sounds familar to me, too familar actually (if you only knew...and some of you do). God responded to Paul with, "MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT...MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS." (12:9)

So today I thank God for the hard things the chance be drawn closer to God and the unexpected power that will come through it. If I just TRUST.

I am reminded that my prayers are not about getting what I want from God, but finding my way to God...finding my way to the deep relationship with Him that I so desire. My prayers are about accepting God's answers even when it's not what I prayed it to be, this is why it is, "not my will but YOUR WILL be done, Father."

If you find yourself needing strength, I pray you find it and you can remember the lesson we learned from Paul...sometimes we just need to trust that "[His] grace is sufficent, [His] power is made perfect in weakness."

Many blessing to you all!

yum...

Okay so I am addicted to these little pineapple cupcakes! They are super easy and only 72 calories per cupcake - icing included...but that probably doesn't do much good when you eat six in one day :/ YIKES! I love pineapple and love things that are not too sweet, so this is the PERFECT summer dessert for me. I am going to put coconut in next time, I just didn't have any on hand today.

Preheat oven to 350

Mix these three ingredients together(no hand mixer needed):

yellow cake mix, crushed pineapple (do not drain), and  rum extract

scoop into mini cupcake pan (I use a cookie scoop perfect size) and bake for around 13 minutes - depending on your oven
While cooling mix these three ingredients together (let the cold ones sit out for a bit so they are easier to fold together, again hand mixer is not needed on these...they are that easy!) for the icing:


1/2 of each: Free Cool Whip, crushed pineapple drained, and nuefatchel cream cheese



Finished product...just heavenly if you like pineapple you will love them!



OMG they are so good!



Trancendent Peace

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Last night Rozlynn went to bed and woke up about 2:30 - literally screaming, not an "I'm hungry" scream, one of those that hurt you - when you know something is not right. This was the second night she did this, the night before was awful, we got very little sleep and last night was taking the same path. Sunday night I had tried everything I could think of to help comfort her: gave her a bath, changed her diaper, gave her a paci, gave her a bottle, gave her gas medicine, and even gave her Tylenol (she's teething already!) and nothing was working. It was after I had tried everything and was at my wits end that I prayed...I know what was I thinking, I tried to fix things first...BIG MISTAKE! The second I prayed with Rozlynn she stopped crying and I was able to comfort her and give her what she needed to rest. Why didn't I just seek God first, and let him direct my path as to how to comfort His little miracle to me??

Last night I began the night with prayer and Rozlynn went to sleep so much easier. However, she woke up screaming and I had only been asleep for about 3 hours...I got frustrated, I was tired...it was looking like I would get less sleep than the six hours I had the night/morning before. I made a bottle and took her into the living room to rock and feed her...about 30 minutes later she was throwing up, and gagging like she does sometimes. =( it's really sad!! It was then decided to pray with her, to just seek God first before I attempted to give her what she needed. We (I say we because I believe God uses those moments with her and that she does learn from them) began to pray and talk about how Jesus is the only one who can give us what we need, we prayed for His peace to surround her and give her rest and comfort...we could feel it, the "transcendent peace" that "surpasses all understanding." It was beyond incredible! Rozlynn then squeezed my shoulder and made the sweetest little sounds, she was at peace. I held her for about another hour and a half enjoying the comfort that was surrounding her at that moment.

At that moment it hit me hard -really slapped me in the face - how there are so many people that I know and around the world that would do anything to have a baby, to be up at night dealing with screams, and the lack of sleep. I was one of those people, one lucky enough to get what I desired the most. I knew she came from God alone and here I was thinking about how tired I was and trying to just deal with myself. How dare I get frustrated with the blessing that God gave me...she is a miracle and I will never forget that! God gave her to me to raise and to teach and I must seek Him first in the decisions that concern her, even the ones at 2:30 AM.

I hope that this lesson will go with me in my everyday life as well. I know to seek God and I do with "big things" but what about the little things, the times when as a mom or wife I am flat out pissed, annoyed, so upset? It seems I must learn this lesson over and over again. I pray that one day it will becoming second nature, that I will not try to do things on my own and when I fail, seek Christ...because I will fail, it's not my will or my glory but His.

Just sharing what's on my heart today.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-10

Something Heavenly #2

Almost exactly a year ago I posted this blog entry:
http://hightower-family.blogspot.com/2010/06/something-heavenly.html

After reading this post and listening to this song, Something Heavenly by Sanctus Real, I am once again in tears.

I knew God had "something heavenly" instore for us as we made the BIGGEST leap of faith we have ever taken when we left our home...April 21, 2011 at 12:45 PM we met "something heavenly", Rozlynn FAITH Hightower, and I am so thankful for our move and the HARDEST year of my life.

As I re-read my thoughts and feelings about Martin's Mill, I am once again overwhelmed by them. It is so hard to believe how many changes have taken place in the top ten things I love about that place, but yet how much they took care of me my family during a very rough 9 months. How many form schools, churches, and communities would provide for a family they way that Martin's Mill ISD, Martin's Mill Baptist Church, and Martin's Mill, Tx did for us. I had been out of work for one month and the staff of MMISD had a fundraiser for me and provided my family with and overwhelming amount of money, the Women's Ministry of Martin's Mill had a food drive and provided my family with many groceries to last us many months, and community members gave us a little something to help us through.

The most important thing was the prayer that continued to intercede for us. At Martin's Mill's graduation this year, I met a grandmother of former students and the mom of a former co-worker, she came up to meet and wanted to meet Rozlynn, her words still bring me to tear because I BELIEVE WITH EVER OUNCE OF ME THEY ARE TRUE, "I just had to meet this baby, we all prayed her here, this town and the people we know, we prayerd this angel to you." Yes you did, and I we are forever grateful. We cannot wait until we can repay to someone the compassion and "carrying of eachother's burdens" that was given to us...in the name of Christ. So, once again thank you Martin's Mill for being a Christ centered place, keep showing Christ's love - this is why you are so successful you are representing the right thing - a Powerful God!

Just wanted to share my heart. I will be back to the blogging world. Life has been crazy with a newborn and it took me about a month to recover from being so sick, I still have a few bad days but I am enjoying life and can't wait to share my new blessings with you all!

Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us and for Rozlynn. We love you all!

9 year journey

Well, here we are the night before our little girl is born! We are all three so excited for this gift God is giving to us, we are so very thankful. We understand how blessed we are to not only have one miracle but to have two as of tomorrow afternoon.

We tried to get pregnant with Reese for 3 years before it happened. We had pretty much given up hope and had signed all the financial papers saying we were willing to pay lots of money for lots of treatments to help us get pregnant, we were just waiting for my cycle. It never came and come to find out we were pregnant! Reese is the sweetest most compassionate little boy around, his heart is so big and we cannot wait to see what God has planned for him.

After trying for 3 years to get pregnant and overcoming PCOS, Endometriosis, and IC including treatments and medications we got pregnant, but unfortunately it wasn't in God's plan for us to meet our baby on earth. Six months later once again after just deciding that God's will was perfect and one baby was more than we deserved, we found out we were pregnant!

This pregnancy has been more than challenging but every second of heartache and stress has been worth it and I would do it all again to bring Rozlynn Faith to our family.

9 years and two children is just amazing, we are so very blessed and thankful that God is allowing us to raise both of these miracles.

We will try to get pictures up as soon as we can so you all can see sweet little Rozlynn. Say a prayer for us tomorrow that all goes well.

Almost Done

Rozlynn's room is almost done, we just lack a shelf and the changing pad =) Here are some pictures of the almost complete room. Hopefully I can get a picture of everything before next week.

When we were painting the letters in Rozlynn's name this is what Reese made for her!

He wanted to hang it with butterflies <3

Changing Table - pad is coming!

close up of the chest

mirror - Mom painted this like 5 times before it was like she wanted, then we added the words!

Texas Hoodie and extra headbands =)

We can't wait for you, Rozlynn Faith, to get here so we can start using this room! You are one loved little girl, we can't wait to meet you and see the special things that God  has planned for you!! Love you so much, Mom, Dad, and Reese aka Bubba

Reese Turned Six

I cannot believe that Reese is six years old! He had a birhtday party at Chuck E Cheese which he LOVED!! However, for me it was so crazy - there were 5 parties happening at the same time and lots of little kids whose parents just decided to let them run wild without supervision. I think all the kids had a blast!! I will say it was a very easy party because the hostess did EVERYTHING for us: set the table, decorated, served, cleaned, and help load up the goods.

I couldn't get many pictures because my camera was out of memory...of course! It is my fault for still having Christmas pictures on it...anyway you can also check out Katie's blog for some great shots of the party!

http://theskinner-family.blogspot.com/2011/03/reese-is-6.html

On his actual Birthday he woke up to a "huge dinosaur" in the living room. I was in the bathroom and I heard, "now that's big" it was so cute! Gammy came and had lunch with him at school and brought Army cupcakes and juice for his class to celebrate at recess. I had a doctor's appointment so couldn't make it. Then after school we took him to Sonic for dinner and went to Alba to watch Maddie play Little Dribblers. We got home about 10:30 and had a little cake. Yes, that is really late for a child to load up on sugar, but it was his birthday! We had so much fun as a family that day, Reese we love you so much more!!



It was a great birthday and birthday weekend! 

Acknowledge Him

"Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all you ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

I have heard these verses all my life. However, I am beginning to see them in an entire new light. Maybe it's because my life seems to be full of uncertainty, or maybe it because the lives of so many people I love and care about seem to be uncertain. So many people I am connected to are seeking God's Plan, not their own. Let's face it, that is really hard to do. It is so easy to just say, I'm trusting...but actually practicing that is hard. At least for me anyway.

We have to trust that God's ways are always right and not try to figure things out on our own. The key to doing this is to acknowledge God in every part of our lives. Every part.

We must first be sure we acknowledge Him as our Savior, our Father, as the Spirit, and our Comforter. Most of the people I know are believers and we do acknowledge those things, that seems to be easy for us. Or easy for me to say and believe however, then we must acknowledge that He is the one, the only one, who meets our needs - not just physical but emotional too. We must look only to Him. I struggle with the emotional the most, I tend to keep everything inside and put on a fake smile like everything is wonderful, or I want to look to my husband, my mom, my sister, my family to help me. I'm not talking about big things, but little things like - I feel so fat and swollen what could be beautiful about me or it really makes me angry that I'm sitting at home alone all the time away from my friends; I want Chris or my family to give me a boost of confidence, when I should be seeking my Father for the extra love I am desiring. Man, that is so hard, but in order to TRUST and acknowledge Him in all my ways, I must allow Him to meet my needs. I must be honest with my feelings and allow my God to give me what my heart is needing. Sometimes that is done through my wonderful husband and family and sometimes it is done by just being in the presence of a Mighty God.

Once we acknowledge that He will meet our needs we must acknowledge that He is Lord of our lives meaning our relationships, jobs, finances, children, and our marriages. We have to put Him before all of those things, and seek Him in all we do with them. We have to allow Him in all of those areas if we truly desire Him to direct our paths.

All this to say,  in times like these where I find myself trusting and praying for those around me to trust I have to ask, have I/you allowed the Lord to be in all areas of our lives. If you haven't ask today, acknowledge the fact that you are not relying on Him in whatever area and change it. This is a daily occurrence for me, but I know that daily I'm forgiven and daily when I acknowledge Him in all areas, He is faithful to direct my paths.

I pray that we all can keep trusting with all our heart and acknowledging our Savior in all our ways. His paths do not fail, and I am so thankful for that truth.

He will never leave

Our Savior will never leave us nor forsake us, His word promises us this truth.

Why is it so hard for me to trust this truth? Why do I want to do things on my own? Do you ever feel like you want to run away and go back to things that you know, things that are easy, comfortable, safe? I know God knows these feelings that I am having, He knows everything about me. I just find me asking the question - why can't I trust His plan?

If I'm being honest I will admit I hate being so disconnected from everyday life. Moving to a new place and only being "involved" for 6 weeks is so hard. I hate that I'm not at my job, getting to know my co-workers. What I hate most is moving Reese from a place where he was content, he was so happy, he didn't worry.  I'm angry that I'm not at school to get to know other parents and families to find friends. I get angry every time I get sick, angry every time I stick myself or a sore forms (I can't deliver with an infection).  I pray that I can lead my family to seek the one who is always with them and promises to never leave. I know God has a plan for my family and I know that it was in His plan for us to move and I trust Him 100%. We are so blessed with Rozlynn and I know that moving was a part of what it took to bring her here to us. The staff we work with now are so kind and I enjoyed being with them for 6 weeks. I am so thankful for the support that has been given to Chris from his co-workers this year. I know God is in control and I trust Him. I also know that it's okay to get angry, becuase He already knows what we are feeling. I have found that when I am honest with my feelings and thoughts to my Savior, He comforts me. If you are keeping feelings inside I encourage you to be honest with your Father, He already knows and the honesty will only bring you closer to Him.

For now I am clinging to His promise to never leave us and clinging to the comfort that provides.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you...The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31: 6 & 8

"No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you." Joshua 1:5

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" Hebrews 13:5

Thank you to a friend who sent this verses my way, she is a true blessing to me!

Proud Momma

Have I mentioned how proud I am of Reese? =) I'm pretty sure I have, but I just wanted to brag a little once again on how proud he makes me.

He just got the Principal's Pride Award for February. He even gets a sign to put in the yard. I had no idea he has gotten this award until last night and he told me that he took his picture today and got a pencil and certificate "it's all in my backpack, Mom." So proud of how hard Reese works at all he does, he takes his time on his work...that Math is a killer...and has to lose some play time at recess here and there but he finishes and does it correctly. I just hope that stays with him forever, the teacher in me loves that he is not afraid to take his time and do it correctly.

Reese, I love you so very much. You make me so proud to be your Mom everyday; not just because of how good you are in school, but because of your heart and desire to give everything your very best. You are such an awesome boy. Keep striving to do your best in everything and you will do great things. I'm so blessed God shared you with me!! Always remember He loves you more than me and is much prouder than me for the effort and heart you give to all that you do. I love you to infinite Reese Austin!!!

A Sweet Woman

"Carry each other's burdens and this way you fulfil the law of Christ" Galatians 6:2

I have shared this verse before but this week I saw it in a new light. With four consecutive trips either to Austin or back home from Austin and the end of the pay period God gave us a blessing.

I fellow teacher, who I have NEVER met in person. (We have talked over the phone, but she came in January and I have been out since October, so we have just never met face to face.) Anyway, I got a call from her on Thursday when driving home from Austin. I was completely exhausted and trying to think about what I could scramble together for dinner. Rhonda told me that she had a home cooked dinner in the middle school refrigerator waiting for me to take home! She said it came with lots of love and lots of prayer for me and my family. Wow, what an incredible blessing - she has never met me, but felt compelled to bless me and my family - to carry our burden. (I wish I was that way, it is really easy for me to help carry the burdens of those I know, love, and have a relationship with - but someone I have never met, would I do the same?) I must say the roast, potatoes, and carrots were much better than french fries I had at home.

So many people have blessed us during probably one of the hardest 6 months of my life - all of these people I am eternally grateful for and pray that they will be blessed for what they have done it has been their love and support that have got us through some dark days. However, Rhonda just blew me away - the Godly impact that gave me was overwhelming. I truly felt it was God giving me that dinner, letting me know that He would provide for us. It was just at the right time, this week has been hard - I admit that I have felt like I was not going to be able to do this anymore, that I would not make it to the end of the pregnancy. The simple meal from a very sweet women was just what I needed to be reminded that I don't have to do this alone - God is with me and with Him I will make it until April 21, 2011.

Yes, Dr. Willens let me know Friday that he is planning to deliver Rozlynn Faith on April 21 - unless something happens between now and then. I can survive the next six weeks if I keep my focus and continue to let God speak to me through the love of others. =)

My greatest desire is to repay these blessings to others one day, to share God's love through my actions like so many have done for my family.

Getting Closer

Yesterday Mom and Dad came over to help start getting Rozlynn's room put together and do a little cleaning around my crazy dirty house! Reese has been asking almost every day when Rozylnn's room and bed was going to get set up. I think today made him feel a lot better, I don't know why he is so worried that she won't have things. Now once we get her stroller and carseat he will be a happy brother.

Reese worked hard all day long, he was right beside the action the entire afternoon.

working hard with Dad and PawPaw

Finally put together!

He checked to see if it was level on all sides, top and bottom and the bottom was not so he had to fix it.

Helping Gammy with the frame we painted.

Last week this closet attacked me, literally I was looking for Reese's birth certificate and things began falling from the shelves. It was a mess after I was done searching through everything! Reese and Gammy worked hard getting it in order and making room for Rozylnn's things.

Some of our projects

She had to have this verse in  her room!

Mom and I had so much fun painting letters, painting the frame, and thank you to Tamara so much for donating that picture to our cause. If you saw the frame in its orginal state you would not believe the change.

The room is not done yet, but I feel so much better knowing that several things are finished. I have the best Mom she has helped me with many projects. We have taken apart and painted a framed piece of art-work, a mirror, painted letters, painted a chair, made a bow hanger, repainted and framed a verse, cut out of vinyl for the mirror. We still have to paint some lamps, sand and paint an end table, had coushins made for chair, Mom made a quilt, and go pick up a dresser that we had painted...I think our list of projects reached it's limit.

Now we just needed little Rozlynn Faith to get here so we can snuggle her close!

Thank you Mom so much for all you are doing for me during this time. Not only by cleaning and helping me get things ready but keeping me sane by taking me to lunch and letting me get out of the house and enjoy some company. I would really be going crazy if I didn't have you helping me so much. I would  not have survived this pregnancy, mentally if you were not there for me. I love you so much and hope to be the same Mom to Rozlynn that you are to me.

You Are More

Love this song by Tenth Avenue North! Love this video too, especially the ending. We can all identify with something written on that board, we have all made choices that we regret, but "[we] are more than the choices that [we] make, [we] are more than the sum of our past mistakes, [we] are more than the problems [we] create, [we]'ve been remade!"

Thank you Father for remaking me, I am unworthy of your saving grace.

Please Read and Please Join in Prayer

Today I am asking if you read this post to please pray for a dear family in Martin's Mill who lost their husband/father/grandfather early this morning. This family has been such a blessing to many many people over many many years and I asking for prayers in their time of need. They have done countless things for me and my family personally. I pray they will be comforted and blessed in their time of need in the same way they have provided comfort and blessings for others.

Also, please pray for my hometown, Quitman, as they face a horrible tragedy. Losing a 15 year old girl and some still injured from an accident taking place yesterday afternoon. Please also remember the teachers and teacher driving the vehicle. Being a teacher I can't even begin to comprehend the emotions they are feeling. Pray for the families of those involved. Pray for the students. Please pray for the entire community.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26

I am thankful for the Spirit to intercede in times like these when we are unsure of words or the exact needs of those we love.

Thank you for taking a moment to pray, to ask the Spirit to intercede for you on behalf of this amazing family in Martin' s Mill and the community of Quitman.