Alarm Label

"Be joyful in hope; patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

     The past week I have been stuck in Romans 12. The entire chapter seems as though it was written for the deepest part of my heart. You know the part that you pray, "the Spirit to shine His light on," but secretly hope He doesn't.  That is exactly what happened to me. Last Sunday we were observing the Lord's Supper at church. I actually took, my recently saved daughter, Rozlynn with me for the service. As we were preparing to take the bread piece and juice (I attend a Baptist church),  I became overwhelmed with a deep feeling of worship. I had never experienced this form of emotion during the Lord's Supper. I have always felt humbled and reminded of all the Christ did for me and those around me. However, last Sunday I fully saw this ceremony as an act of worship. This worship brought tears to my eyes...the kind of worship that is unencumbered. The kind that brings you to the feet of Jesus.
      Then it happened...the Holy Spirit shined that stupid light into a dark hidden spot in my heart. I knew there was something....something keeping me from experiencing this kind of worship on a daily basis. I prayed, asked forgiveness, and pleaded for God to show me what I was holding back. Boy did He show me.
      The next morning, I awoke to give God my fifteen to twenty minutes of time to start my day. (I know...is that seriously all I am giving...yes, sadly, and that is another post for another day!) I normally use a Bible study book or the app First 5 for my morning time, but this day I felt lead to just read scripture. I went straight to Romans 12. There I have stayed for the past 7 days.
     I wrote this entire chapter out the first three days of the week. Trying to write it on my heart...to cover that place I knew was dark, that place that was holding me back. The more I wrote out the chapter the more things stood out to me.

Here were my first observations on things that would lead my to the worship I was craving:

1. Fasting and prayer go hand in hand - "...offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship." v. 1

If I truly want to experience proper worship, I need to start with proper prayer. Prayer that offers         my body as a sacrifice. Prayer that shows trust. Trust that leads to faith. Faith that leads to worship because I have been, "transformed by the renewing of [my] mind. Then [I] will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will." v. 2

2.  We all have different gifts - "in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We all have different gifts..." v 5-6

Confession...several years ago I changed the label of my school alarm. It used to be titled, Romans 12:7. "If is is serving, then serve; if it is teaching,then teach" I was overwhelmed, (not "I was" - I am is the better choice of words). I was tired both physically and mentally from giving so much and never hearing thank you or getting anything back in return. I HATED seeing Romans 12:7. This couldn't be my gift...why would I be so  miserable if this was my gift. God doesn't want me to miserable, to be stressed, exhausted, to be wanting to give up. Out of self pity I removed the label and it just said alarm. It has remained that way for 2 1/2 years.

3. Don't become self absorbed with your hurt feelings (I literally wrote that in the margin of my Bible.) "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." v. 10 

My, "love would never be sincere," if I was clinging to the evil of my emotions, my exhaustion, my need for appreciation. In order for my, "love [to] be sincere," I have to,"hate what is evil and cling to what is good." v. 9 By dwelling on my hurt feelings I was clinging to evil that did not put others before myself. I cannot experience true worship by putting my self and my self pity before others. That isn't love. That isn't Christ. That isn't who I want to be.

4. Never loose my excitement for serving Christ - "Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." v. 11

My attitude for my service to Christ was in need of serious kick in the pants. I should radiate the passion and excitement I have for Christ by fervently using my gift. End of story. I couldn't worship when I lacked zeal.  I may full myself and other, but I wasn't full Christ.

5. Be good to those who hurt you. "Bless those who persecute you...do not repay anyone evil for evil...If it is possible, as fas as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." vs. 14, 17, and 18

This is the second week in a row God has reminded me that I should bless and not curse those who hurt me. That in my anger I should not sin. His job is judgement...my job is to love, to love everyone - no matter what. My job is to show grace. My job is to live at peace with everyone. That peace surpasses all understanding and leads me to unencumbered worship.

     After studying those 5 ideas and working to practice them. I was drawn to verse 12. I know this verse. I have read this verse many times (many times this week in fact). This verse was jumping off the page at me. I learned a lot this week, and this verse is summation of it all.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12 

      What did the Spirit shine His light on in my heart? The fact that I was lacking joy in Christ. I was not being patient in my distress. I was not being steadfast in prayer. I was instead finding myself full of unhappiness, being agitated by my troubles, and giving up on my prayers.
      Do you find yourself feeling the same way? Desiring to be close to God, to experience that "true and proper worship" but not knowing how to get there?
       God showed me this week how to break away from those evil thoughts and cling to the good. I want to share them with you. "Share with the Lord's people who are in need." v. 13 It is as simple as Romans 12:12:

1. Rejoice in the Hope of Jesus. Jesus WINS. Jesus always has victory over evil. You have Jesus = You have victory. Victory over stress, victory over exhaustion, victory over your need for appreciation. (Those were mine...you know what yours are.) It is you, the Christian, who has joy that is unspeakable. You should be glad because of the Hope you know to be perfect and everlasting.

2. Be patient in trouble. Your joyful hope will give you perseverance and through that you will gain patience. It doesn't say remain in trouble...it just says be patient. This means it will end. Grace will win. Victory will be yours. Have joy and be patient through this tribulation.

3. Don't stop praying. Once you find that joy that gives you hope that leads you to persevere and become patient, you will find yourself praying. Trusting the truth of your Hope. Pray brings you to worship. Worship feels your heart with love. "Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:8   

    So, go change your alarm label. I did! I am finding myself being joyful each morning with the chance to use my gift of serving and teaching. This joy has given me the patience I need for my current afflictions, and I am faithful in prayer. Prayer that I will, "cling to what is good,"  and, "live at peace with everyone." 

Much love,

Stacy

A lesson from Nanny

      I haven't blogged in such a long time....since Rozlynn was born to be exact. I miss it. Writing is therapy for me. One of my resolutions for this year was to spend more time journaling. I felt the nudge from the Spirit to pick up with this blog...so here I am. I have spent a lot of time lately in scripture (another resolution) and I have been focusing on not quenching the Spirit. "Do not extinguish the Spirit." (I Thessalonians 5:19) I am committing to blog once a week. To find the moments and take in the Sovereignty around me...to document the power of the Almighty at work around and within me. 

      Last week was HARD. My beloved Nanny went to be with the Lord on Tuesday, February 21, 2017. Despite the spiritual and mental exhaustion I faced, I was surrounded by the "peace that surpasses all understanding" (Philippians 4:7) which "guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus." I am grateful for my family and friends. The words spoke by my sister, Katie, and my cousin, Christopher (aka Bub), at the funeral brought great comfort to my soul. "Nanny had a hard life but she got to write the final page, she went to be with the Lord in her sleep." "We didn't loose Nanny; we know exactly where she is." I long for the day to meet her in Heaven and worship our Savior forever more. Nanny taught us all so much. I am still learning from Nanny. 

      This week I came across one of my favorite verses. It was like the verse was new to me. I loved this verse when I was in high school. I even had it painted around my room like a border. Back then, I struggled with being angry...mainly angry at myself for choices I had made, things that I regretted. I was angry with myself and needed the constant reminder that I had changed, and in my anger with myself, I did not need to take that out on the ones who loved me. (my precious parents and sister) 

     I understand more clearly now how each choice, each mistake brought me to this moment. Each decision I made, even the HORRIBLE ones, brought me closer to my Savior. However, as an adult this verse has a different meaning to me. 

     "In your anger," tells me that I am going to be angry. Anger is a human emotion. Anger is real. Anger is okay.  The word angry comes from the Scandinavian  angr which means sorrow or grief the Latin root is angor which means anguish. Anger comes from sorrow, grief, and anguish. Did you read that...ANGUISH - excruciating or acute distress, suffering, or pain. We are going to have suffering, pain, distress - ANGER - in our lives. We are human. Give yourself permission to be angry. Giving yourself the freedom to be angry is liberating. It is what you do with that anger that matters. 

     "Do not sin." This seems pretty simple. Okay, so I get mad at someone. I'm not suppose to sin, so I will just stop talking to them. I will just ignore them and go about my life. If they talk to me, I will respond, but I am not going to make an effort. I can just shut them or the situation out of my life and be fine. This is how my brain thought through this verse at the beginning of the week. Unfortunately that attitude was leading to plans for revenge and punishment. I would punish the person I was angry at by being silent and not responding, so I didn't say something I regretted. The sad truth is this...I was being selfish by believing that these type of responses were the "Christian" thing to do. Instead, I should be, "bless[ing] those who curse [me], and pray[ing] for those who mistreat [me]." (Luke 6:28) I should be, "love[ing] [my] enemies and pray[ing] for those who persecute [me]." (Matthew 5:44) I should be seeking ways to bless them. How can I love them despite the wrong the did to me? How can I show the UNCONDITIONAL grace and forgiveness that Jesus shows me...hourly? My friends hear me say that this is HARD. This is not a natural response. I fail miserable at this daily. Here I am, a teacher, someone who wants to be Christ to her students, yet they make me angry. I think - well I will just stop doing anything. Let me know  how that works for you. You are ungrateful to me, so I will just stop going above and beyond for you unless you appreciate what I have done. Man...how SINFUL! This life isn't about what I have done. This life is about what CHRIST DID and what Christ is doing for us all. 

    "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." This just means not to go to bed angry, right? I'm sorry to say...no. Anger is a foothold for Satan. Allowing anger to stay or settle in your heart is just opening the door for the evil to come in. Forgiveness and letting go of anger is on ME. It has nothing to do with the person who made me angry. I must ask God to search my heart. I must ask for Him to show me where I am holding onto anger, bitterness, annoyance, or frustration, and I must ask Him to cleanse me of all it. I am learning that once I truly give it to God I receive that peace that surpasses all understanding, and I WANT to bless those who hurt me, because I love the person who made me angry.  

      This week I have focused on reminding myself that I am going to get angry, and that is okay. I have given myself permission to be mad or hurt. The way I deal with that emotion is imperative. I am trying to recognize the anger and then ask God to show me the person who upset me through His eyes. What do they need? How can I be love to them despite my feelings. Remember that anger comes from sorrow or pain...when you have sorrow or pain in your heart, seek your loving Savior. Don't let Satan creep in through the ugly monster of reacting to anger. 

     My Nanny loved to color in adult coloring books. She was really good at it! One of the last things she colored was a picture of this verse, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." I Peter 4:8 (This is the actual picture that Nanny colored.)

     Let's make this our daily mission: when we get angry, we won't sin. We refuse to allow Satan a foothold into our heart. Instead we choose to love each other deeply. Love covers sin and hurt and whatever someone does to us. We chose love and forgiveness because that is what Christ does for us. 

     Nanny, thank you for still teaching me. Thank you for leading me to Christr. I love you, Nan!