Wrong Motive

Yesterday at church was one of those amazing days where you know God is talking directly to you...you who are so small in the world, but yet someone who He cares deeply about. I don't have any major problems...Reese is healthy and wonderful, Chris and I are really happy, my family lives close and I get to be a part of their everyday lives. Yet I still get consumed with my "problems" or I should say desires if you have read this blog you know I desire to have another baby. I have been trying for 2 1/2 years now. Recently my doctor told me that if I wasn't pregnant by March we would do more testing and to see if there was something else going on that we have missed. For some insane reason this really upset me. I became very frustrated...how can something else be wrong with my body...why don't I get to have more than one child...how come she is pregnant...PITY PARTY! Thankfully my husband and sister snapped me out of these lies Satan was feeding me. I have really been trying to not think about wanting another baby...my doctor told me that I was way too stressed and I might as well be taking birth control. Man that is so much easier said than done. If you have ever tried for years to have a baby I know you can empathize with me, and understand how consuming it can become.


Sunday December 27, 2009

I get up and head to church, just like any other Sunday morning. Get to see a sweet young lady who is pregnant and hate myself for being so jealous of her. I feel the same pattern repeating. I drop Reese of in his class and head to my class. Our current teacher, Tim Gandy, is currently giving us "Kingdom exercises" he poses a question or problem and we all figure out what the Kingdom would do. We were in Luke 12 - we begin by reading verses 1-12 where Jesus is frustrated with the Pharisees and talking to both his disciples and the crowd. The first way God began to speak to me came from Luke 12: 3 - "what you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight..." here Jesus was speaking to his disciples about hypocrisy - but it really jumped out at me...God hears me- nothing I say or think goes unseen. God began showing me the hypocrite I was becoming...I tell everyone I trust Him, in His time He will give us a baby, if it is His will, etc. Yet, I cry myself to sleep some nights, I'm completely consumed by not having a baby...by how much I want one, and how my prayers aren't heard. As I am trying to focus on what the small group is discussing, along comes verses 6-7 "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." I have heard these verses a thousands times, but never before I have felt like God was talking directly to me, telling me I was worthy in His eyes. He was gently picking my heart up from the ground. Then we got to the question of our exercise in verses 13-14, "Someone in the crowd said to him, 'teacher, tell my brother to divided the inheritance with me.' Jesus replied, ‘man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?'" Why would Jesus reply to someone in this manner? Doesn't He tell us to ask Him anything? As we were discussing we came to the conclusion that based on the context of what was happening and verse 15 that followed Jesus’ reply, " Then he said to them[speaking to the crowd now] 'watch out! Been on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." The man you asked Jesus about his inheritance had the wrong motive - he was asking with only his desires in mind, he was asking with the intent of Jesus saying exactly what he wanted to hear. We even assumed his brother was probably there with him. The man didn't get it, he didn't understand everything Jesus had been saying - he was just waiting, focusing on his own need, for the right time to blurt out and get what he wanted. God doesn't want us to come to Him with the wrong motive. Here God was just slapping me right in the face with His word..."Stacy - wake up - this whole baby thing is not about you! This baby thing is about my will - I have a plan for you - you say you trust that, yet you continue to want to be in control - when will you truly give it up and let me take control?" I swear He might as well have been audible in this moment. I’m sure the other people in the room good feel Him and hear Him it was so apparent. I began repenting that moment.
Then I go to 'big church' the message is entitle "New Beginnings" very typical sermon title for the New Year, I had no idea God was not through with me! He had more for me to hear. We were in Ephesians 4: 17-24 - "...to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires[does this not describe exactly what I have been doing?]; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness." So why do we fail so often? Our pastor, Matt Parker, gave this question? We all say we are going to begin new but yet we fail time and time again. "For nothing good live in me, that is in my flesh. For I want to do well, but cannot do it." Romans 7:18 "We fell because we are trying on our own power - if we do things in the flesh we are enemies of God." - Matt Parker "the outlook of the flesh is hostile to God...those who are in the flesh cannot please God." Romans 8: 7-8 Matt further challenged us to renew our minds, "...do not be conformed, but transformed...renew your mind...what is good and well pleasing." Romans 12: 1-2

God was truly speaking to me, in order for me to truly give this up to Him it had to start in my mind. I had to focus on Him and His word and transform my thoughts from those desires to Him. My mother gave me a book, 100 Verses Every Mom Needs to Know, for Christmas. I am trying to focus on one verse every few days and really memorize it. My verse right now is, Psalms 118:24 "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." How many times have we heard this verse, sang this verse, etc.? However, again on this Sunday this verse was really speaking to me. I need to focus on one day at a time, stop worrying about the future and focus on the day that I have been given and rejoice in the blessings that are around me.
So why I am sharing so much with you today? I am hoping that by getting all of this out - that my mind will begin to transform, that someone will read this and begin to pray for me - not just for a baby, but pray for me to trust the will of the Lord!
I hope that all of you can rejoice in the day the Lord has made for you!

A Season to be Thankful...

Wow - it has been a long time since I have posted anything. We have been so busy with basketball, UIL, cheer, church Christmas, school, little dribblers, and trying to have family time. Here are some pictures of some of the many activities we have paritcipated in some far this December.

Reese playing the piano with Papa - I'm glad Nana and Papa are around because when I try to do music...it is not good! At least my Savior doesn't care that I'm not musically talented.

Reese helping me get our tree up.

Hanging the ornaments...Reese really enjoyed decorating the house this year.

Almost finished!

Reese went to his room and made lots of decorations that I later found glued on bathroom door, his closet door, and the table in his room. LOL - one of those times that I said sure and didn't really understand what he was aking to do.

Reese played photographer again while we were making decorations. He is with me now and wanted me to put this picture on here.

Ugly Christmas Sweater party at Heather's house. We had so much fun just hanging out with our friends. Beau won for the "best" ugly Christmas sweater.

They guys and their sweaters. Matt's tie even played music!

Chris and I with our sweaters...thanks Heather!

Reese and Nana at our Christmas with the Hightower's - he couldn't wait for Nana to open her present from him. Can you guess why?

Reese helping Uncle Clay open his present from us. We were so thankful to get to spend some time with Uncle Clay, Reese just fell in love with him. Uncle Clay has such a big heart!

Uncle Kyle sent a present since he is in England...thank you. Reese named our extra bedroom, "Uncle Kyle's Room," he loves playing with him so much. The funny thing is,Uncle Kyle has only slept there one time, but Reese want is to be "ready for when he comes back home."

Reese being Papa's helper...one of his favorite things to do.

Ready for his program at school... he was "handsome and cool" - he was too cute!

Reese and Ty G. waiting to sing - "I'm gettin' nuttin for Christmas"

Reese and his "cousin brother Nathan" after the show. You know how heart breaking it is when your child ask you why he can't have a brother or sister because all of his friends have one? It is terrible - I did my best to explain that we have what God has planned for us, we are thankful for that. What was even more humble and heart warming was Reese's response..."I know because we have Nathan that we love...he is my cousin brother." Reese still prayers for a brother or sisiter, but he also give thanks for Nathan. I'm so lucky to have him so close and a sister who lets him be apart of our everyday lives.

Gammy had Nathan and Reese over to decorate gingerbread houses. How cute is this little guy?

Reese was really concentrating - he loves to create.

Gammy with her boys and their finished products. I love Nathan's house.

...what is there to say...

Enjoying some time I got to play with Nathan...Reese was the photographer.

Gigi shaking her booty with Reese. This is one of Reese's favorite pictures because "Gigi just always plays with me and we have a lot of fun!"

Reese and Meme

Me with the 2 loves of my life! I'm head over heals for my boys!

I told you his has been a busy month and we are half way through. Let's just hope that we all stop in the middle of the fun and crazy schedules to remember why we are celebrating. I sure hope that all of you have a wonderful Christmas. We are all so blessed and let's use this time of year to really be thankful.

Merry Christmas!

Finding Faith to Wait for the Answer

"Then he continued, 'Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain in understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days'" Daniel 10:12-13

We all have waited anxiously for many things to arrive or special days to come, or for something to happen with no sign of it ever becoming real. When it come to prayer, most of us will have times when we wonder whether the answer to our request has been lost. Did God hear us at all, and is He planning to respond?

The book of Daniel cotains one of the most encouraging yet sobering conversations recorded in the Bible when it comes to receiving an answer to prayer. Daniel had been faithfully fasting and praying for weeks without seeing any response. After 21 days he had a vision of an angelic being who appeared to him and told him the reason for the delay: A spiritual battle was being waged in the heavens.When Daniel persisted in prayer, help was sent and finally reached Daniel with a word from God. God cared so much for Daniel that in the despite the "bigger" picture at stake (spiritual battle) he sent a messanger to Daniel because of Daniel's faithfulness.

What an encouragement this is for us! God has promised to hear our prayers when we come to Him in faith, but we need to remember that Satan may throw obstacles in the way of our receiving the answers God has sent. What aare we to do? Continue to pray! The prayers of a righteous man or woman are powerful and effective. (James 5:16) Don't give up when the answer doesn't come right away. God hears and will answer. We have His Word on it!

"Do not be afraid, O man highly esteemed," he said. "Peace! Be strong now; be strong." Daniel 10:18

Wacky Weekend

Warning: this is a long post, with way too many pictures!

We had so much fun last weekend! We had our very own fall festival. Here are some pictures of the weekends events.

Friday Night Bon Fire

Sitting by the fire.

Waiting on the hot dogs

Two big guys drinking their juice like the big boys.

Gammy and Nathan - we got to spend time spoiling Nathan it was the best!

Yum!! Hotdogs and PawPaw's homemade chili...it is the best!

Nathan ate his first grill cheese...and loved it. I just love his cheeks in this picture.

Saturday Night - PawPaw's 50th birthday and fall festival.

Reese got a hold of the camera and took some photos. I was trying to take a little nap.

Nathan crawling around being is cute self!

This is so funny because Matthew said Reese wanted to take a picture like me and momma do. He loves Uncle Matthew so much...thank you Matthew for being so good with him - he is one lucky guy.

Happy Birthday - Reese's cake was a big hit! Love the way they are all 3 smiling.

Batman enters the fall festival.

Green Monster and Batman ready to play

Catwoman and Batman - Reese asked me to dress up like a cat!

I love this guy! I'm so blessed to live close to him so I can be apart of his everyday life!

Game #1 - Shoot the Target

Nathan's turn

Game #2 Be a Builder

Nathan's turn

Game #3 Bob for Apples

Nathan's turn

Game #4 Crazy Pumpkin Bowling

Nathan's turn

Game #5 Paint a Pumpkin

Nathan's turn

Meme and Paw with the 2 crazy guys. We had so much fun with Meme and Paw, I think they had fun at the fall festival too.

Gammy and PawPaw with PawPaw's gift "the judge." I'm always so inspired by how much my parents still love each other. I really believe they love each other more each day and they are teaching us how to follow in what they have done.

Iron Man also made an appearance at the fall festival.

Love my Reese! I hope he remembers this fall festival forever, it was so much fun!

Thank you so much Gammy, Gigi, Uncle Matthew, Meme, Paw, and PawPaw for making this fall festival so special for Reese. We love all of you so very much, and we are so thankful that you WANT to be a part of our lives. I'm amazed by the family God has given to me...my in-laws too. We are so blessed and it is so overwhelming. Thank you for loving Reese and doing things to make him feel special in those times he needs it (like this weekend) and the times he doesn't (like everyday). You are amazing!