A lesson from Nanny

      I haven't blogged in such a long time....since Rozlynn was born to be exact. I miss it. Writing is therapy for me. One of my resolutions for this year was to spend more time journaling. I felt the nudge from the Spirit to pick up with this blog...so here I am. I have spent a lot of time lately in scripture (another resolution) and I have been focusing on not quenching the Spirit. "Do not extinguish the Spirit." (I Thessalonians 5:19) I am committing to blog once a week. To find the moments and take in the Sovereignty around me...to document the power of the Almighty at work around and within me. 

      Last week was HARD. My beloved Nanny went to be with the Lord on Tuesday, February 21, 2017. Despite the spiritual and mental exhaustion I faced, I was surrounded by the "peace that surpasses all understanding" (Philippians 4:7) which "guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus." I am grateful for my family and friends. The words spoke by my sister, Katie, and my cousin, Christopher (aka Bub), at the funeral brought great comfort to my soul. "Nanny had a hard life but she got to write the final page, she went to be with the Lord in her sleep." "We didn't loose Nanny; we know exactly where she is." I long for the day to meet her in Heaven and worship our Savior forever more. Nanny taught us all so much. I am still learning from Nanny. 

      This week I came across one of my favorite verses. It was like the verse was new to me. I loved this verse when I was in high school. I even had it painted around my room like a border. Back then, I struggled with being angry...mainly angry at myself for choices I had made, things that I regretted. I was angry with myself and needed the constant reminder that I had changed, and in my anger with myself, I did not need to take that out on the ones who loved me. (my precious parents and sister) 

     I understand more clearly now how each choice, each mistake brought me to this moment. Each decision I made, even the HORRIBLE ones, brought me closer to my Savior. However, as an adult this verse has a different meaning to me. 

     "In your anger," tells me that I am going to be angry. Anger is a human emotion. Anger is real. Anger is okay.  The word angry comes from the Scandinavian  angr which means sorrow or grief the Latin root is angor which means anguish. Anger comes from sorrow, grief, and anguish. Did you read that...ANGUISH - excruciating or acute distress, suffering, or pain. We are going to have suffering, pain, distress - ANGER - in our lives. We are human. Give yourself permission to be angry. Giving yourself the freedom to be angry is liberating. It is what you do with that anger that matters. 

     "Do not sin." This seems pretty simple. Okay, so I get mad at someone. I'm not suppose to sin, so I will just stop talking to them. I will just ignore them and go about my life. If they talk to me, I will respond, but I am not going to make an effort. I can just shut them or the situation out of my life and be fine. This is how my brain thought through this verse at the beginning of the week. Unfortunately that attitude was leading to plans for revenge and punishment. I would punish the person I was angry at by being silent and not responding, so I didn't say something I regretted. The sad truth is this...I was being selfish by believing that these type of responses were the "Christian" thing to do. Instead, I should be, "bless[ing] those who curse [me], and pray[ing] for those who mistreat [me]." (Luke 6:28) I should be, "love[ing] [my] enemies and pray[ing] for those who persecute [me]." (Matthew 5:44) I should be seeking ways to bless them. How can I love them despite the wrong the did to me? How can I show the UNCONDITIONAL grace and forgiveness that Jesus shows me...hourly? My friends hear me say that this is HARD. This is not a natural response. I fail miserable at this daily. Here I am, a teacher, someone who wants to be Christ to her students, yet they make me angry. I think - well I will just stop doing anything. Let me know  how that works for you. You are ungrateful to me, so I will just stop going above and beyond for you unless you appreciate what I have done. Man...how SINFUL! This life isn't about what I have done. This life is about what CHRIST DID and what Christ is doing for us all. 

    "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." This just means not to go to bed angry, right? I'm sorry to say...no. Anger is a foothold for Satan. Allowing anger to stay or settle in your heart is just opening the door for the evil to come in. Forgiveness and letting go of anger is on ME. It has nothing to do with the person who made me angry. I must ask God to search my heart. I must ask for Him to show me where I am holding onto anger, bitterness, annoyance, or frustration, and I must ask Him to cleanse me of all it. I am learning that once I truly give it to God I receive that peace that surpasses all understanding, and I WANT to bless those who hurt me, because I love the person who made me angry.  

      This week I have focused on reminding myself that I am going to get angry, and that is okay. I have given myself permission to be mad or hurt. The way I deal with that emotion is imperative. I am trying to recognize the anger and then ask God to show me the person who upset me through His eyes. What do they need? How can I be love to them despite my feelings. Remember that anger comes from sorrow or pain...when you have sorrow or pain in your heart, seek your loving Savior. Don't let Satan creep in through the ugly monster of reacting to anger. 

     My Nanny loved to color in adult coloring books. She was really good at it! One of the last things she colored was a picture of this verse, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." I Peter 4:8 (This is the actual picture that Nanny colored.)

     Let's make this our daily mission: when we get angry, we won't sin. We refuse to allow Satan a foothold into our heart. Instead we choose to love each other deeply. Love covers sin and hurt and whatever someone does to us. We chose love and forgiveness because that is what Christ does for us. 

     Nanny, thank you for still teaching me. Thank you for leading me to Christr. I love you, Nan! 

Fall Apart

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise
Now it all seems upside down
‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart
Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You
And it all seems upside down
‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart
I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me
My whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when
You will find me when I fall apart

Freedom from Anxiety

Anxiety can come into our souls anytime. It often happens in the middle of the night, when everyone else is quiet but your mind is not. There are ways you can mask this problem and get some sleep, but when you wake it is still there, and when you try to sleep the next night...it returns, controlling your thoughts. The only real way to get freedom from this anxiety is the peace of God. At the moment we chose to believe in Jesus we have full access to this peace, that "transcends all understanding." When we are fearful, apprehensive, worried, or terrified,that peace of God can restore us to calm, assured confidence.

Even though life is unpredictable and too often filled with fearful or stressful situations, God says that we don't have to live in anxiety. This peace is can be given to us every time with we praise God and give Him thanks. It's best (I have learned over and over) to do this the moment we sense anxiety or any stress begin to control our thoughts. Then continue to praise and thank God until we receive that peace and the anxiety leaves. His word tells us to focus on what is "excellent" - I think of this like counting my blessings. So at 1AM when I am stressed, tearful, and overcome with anxiety I focus on my most recent reminder of God's love and His perfect Will, Rozlynn Faith. I focus on the fact that I have her and that makes things much better. I focus on my sweet Reese, my husband, and my family. Then I thank God for them and for the circumstances that I went through to get where I am today, in the midst of this overwhelming anxiety. Try it and you'll experience greater peace than you have ever known. Trust the Word of our Creator and you will be able to find contentment in every circumstance, even the tough ones where you can't comprehend how you will make it through.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you...I have learned to be content whatever  the circumstances." Philippians 4:6-8, 11

When Words Don't Come

Have you ever prayed  for something with all your heart and it just felt like Heaven was silent? Man, isn't that hard to take? Or is it just me?...

I am thankful that I can trust my God, and I'm so thankful for His Word, that will not "come back empty." I know God hears my prayers and although the response is silent right now...He will respond, He will keep His promises, and when He does...it will be all for His glory, "that shall be revealed in me." This week has been a real downer! I have been spending some time in Isaiah and I am clinging to what it says in chapter 55:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts....so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:8-9, 11

I'm trusting in the fact that your thoughts Lord are greater than mine. What I think is hard and the way that I think things are happening is not Your way...thankfully! I know that you hear me Lord, your Words are going back to you and they are not going to return empty. I will continue to follow YOUR WILL and can't wait to see what YOU DESIRE from these circumstances, the purpose you have to be achieved, because I know that "this present suffering is not worth comparing to the glory that shall be revealed in me," Romans 8:18. Sometimes I feel so crushed that I don't know what to say, I just know things are not going at all like I feel they should. The way I so desire for them to be. "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:25-26

So even though I feel like the heavens are silent, "what, then, shall [I] say in response to this? If God is for [me], who can be against [me]?" Romans 8:31

I am thankful for this circumstance, this trial, as I see it because I know, "that in all things God works together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28. I love him with every part of me and I am called to His purpose - I can't wait to figure out what that is...patiently I will serve Him, no matter what is not happening =)

People are Mean...

The hardest part for me about being a Christian is the whole, "love your enemies" thing. It's really hard for me when someone is mean not to me but to someone that I love...man it makes me MAD!!!!!!!!!!

I know anger is real emotion and God knows that we have it, but it is what we do with that anger that matters. This verse used to be painted on my wall at my house when I was in high school, "In your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." Ephesians 4:26 I tried hard to live by this, it wasn't until "adulthood" that it began to become so real and so incredibly challenging...because I felt anger in new ways: anger as a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, or a friend. I confess this to be one of my deepest struggles - having anger deep in my heart...just festering, I don't tell anyone about it - I just let it sit until I reach a point that it starts to seep out at times where I don't mean it to happen. It is hard to let go of hurt feelings...hard to forget those times you felt hated, cursed, mistreated, not taken care of, or watched someone you love be so unhappy because of other people (most of the time other Christians).

Sadly I am having to overcome these feelings right now. Here is all I know to do...

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:27-31

God gave us His Word so that we would know the right way to live, when times are so hard that we cannot comprehend how to get out of the valley we face...we seek His Word and find the right way to overcome. That's why I love it so much, it is real it changes things and attitudes! God's Word builds you up feeds your inner soul with strength, direction, endurance, faith...you fill in the blank with whatever you are needing.

So today, right now in this valley I am in and in this hurt I feel for someone I love I am clinging to the direction of God's Word, I am going to "love my enemies, do good to those who hate me or my family, bless those who curse me, pray for those who mistreat me, my family, and someone that I love...do unto them as I wish they would treat me and those I care about the most." I will spend however long it takes praying for them for the anger and disappointment to leave my heart, and not worry about the rest. I want other's to see God and His Word alive in me. If I am "just loving those who love me, doing good to those who are good to me what credit is that to me? Even sinners do that, people who do not have the Spirit of the Living God in them do that." (Luke 6:32-34). Instead I must:
"love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:35-36

Nothing will change your heart like pure true love, and when we spend time in Scripture and desire to live the right way,we are allowing God's love for us to change us - we will begin to see just how great His love is and we will desire to allow that love to change someone else. So bring it on..."enemies*" I love you and God's love through me will change you!

*I do not have any real enemies, I just have hurt feelings. I think that is worse sometimes!

Strength Needed Now

"...Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I have so many people on my prayer list right now that just simply need strength. Need strength for loved ones in the hospital, need strength to trust and wait, need strength to find happiness in every part of their lives (jobs included), strength to just make it through the day.

After Rozlynn went back to sleep this morning I found myself with some "me" time...I love these moments (I say moments because they are usually 47 minutes or less, the time it takes the sleep sheep to run out). I had text a friend to check on her and God reminded me of 2 Corithinas 12:9, I spent some time in the chapter and was reminded of a truth...sometimes a hard truth to handle for us mere humans.

Paul was asking God to take away the "thorn in his side" basically asking for this hard situation (ie...hurting or sick loved ones, trust, waiting, happiness, or just to make it through the day) to be removed. (It even says, "a messenger from Satan"...man isn't he, Satan, real...he delights when we feel helpless like God doesn't listen - when lose heart and faith when we don't get the answer we desire.) However, God said no...did you read that right above, God said no! Paul was asking with pure motives and in faith, but he didn't recieve the answer he was seeking...sounds familar to me, too familar actually (if you only knew...and some of you do). God responded to Paul with, "MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT...MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS." (12:9)

So today I thank God for the hard things the chance be drawn closer to God and the unexpected power that will come through it. If I just TRUST.

I am reminded that my prayers are not about getting what I want from God, but finding my way to God...finding my way to the deep relationship with Him that I so desire. My prayers are about accepting God's answers even when it's not what I prayed it to be, this is why it is, "not my will but YOUR WILL be done, Father."

If you find yourself needing strength, I pray you find it and you can remember the lesson we learned from Paul...sometimes we just need to trust that "[His] grace is sufficent, [His] power is made perfect in weakness."

Many blessing to you all!

yum...

Okay so I am addicted to these little pineapple cupcakes! They are super easy and only 72 calories per cupcake - icing included...but that probably doesn't do much good when you eat six in one day :/ YIKES! I love pineapple and love things that are not too sweet, so this is the PERFECT summer dessert for me. I am going to put coconut in next time, I just didn't have any on hand today.

Preheat oven to 350

Mix these three ingredients together(no hand mixer needed):

yellow cake mix, crushed pineapple (do not drain), and  rum extract

scoop into mini cupcake pan (I use a cookie scoop perfect size) and bake for around 13 minutes - depending on your oven
While cooling mix these three ingredients together (let the cold ones sit out for a bit so they are easier to fold together, again hand mixer is not needed on these...they are that easy!) for the icing:


1/2 of each: Free Cool Whip, crushed pineapple drained, and nuefatchel cream cheese



Finished product...just heavenly if you like pineapple you will love them!



OMG they are so good!